Connect more, and buy less, this holiday season

By Cecilia Pita

"For me, the holidays have always been about reconnecting and spending time with friends and family around the table, sharing slow-cooked food." Photo: Cottonbro from Pexels
"For me, the holidays have always been about reconnecting and spending time with friends and family around the table, sharing slow-cooked food." Photo: Cottonbro from Pexels

’Tis the season of giving and, although the increasing cost of living has our bank accounts groaning in protest, and stress is at critical levels, it might give you some relief to know that there is no etiquette rule that says we must give.

Having said that, however, I think people will still embrace the spirit of giving, albeit in less expensive, more creative ways. Giving can take on many forms and this year, especially, I believe people will look to affordable alternatives to avoid additional financial hardship or exacerbating anxiety.

You see, when times are tough, we seek to connect more with one another and giving is one of the ways we do that. Why? Quite simply because it makes us feel good. We are social beings and reinforcing those social bonds is kind of like putting on your pyjamas straight out of the dryer—it’s warm and comforting. It’s also chemical. Being kind and generous is said to release oxytocin, that feel-good hormone that induces feelings of warmth, joy and connection to others and we tend to crave more of that when our stress is high.

While some people connect by offering store-bought gifts, others do so through volunteering, donating to charities, or giving handmade items. So, when you are looking at your budget and going over your list, remember it doesn’t matter what form your giving takes, it all brings us closer together, and it all feels good.

No need to go into debt

I feel compelled to emphasize there is no need to go into debt to show people you care about them or to reciprocate all the gifts you may receive. Giving is completely voluntary and discretionary. It should not be induced by guilt or motivated by trying to keep up with others and it certainly shouldn’t cause you stress or financial strain. If you are planning to give, remember to do it with intention and within your means. You do not have to spend loads of money to reap the benefits of giving.

Unfortunately, all these thoughts on giving can also feel overwhelming. With so many people, causes and charities that need increasing support, we very quickly realize we can’t help everyone. So, we need to be realistic and prioritize what is important and meaningful to us. If we can only help one person, give one gift, or offer just one heartfelt note, it still makes a difference, especially to the person or organization on the receiving end.

This year, I think if people choose to exchange traditional gifts, they will be more practical in nature. We’ll consider necessities like clothing, food and other household provisions and maybe even offer family or group gifts instead of individual ones to make our dollars stretch. Furthermore, the gift of our time is priceless, always appreciated and probably one of the most thoughtful gifts we can give.

‘Warmth, laughter and support’

For me, the holidays have always been about reconnecting and spending time with friends and family around the table, sharing slow-cooked food. Growing up, we did not have tons of presents under the tree, but there was an abundance of warmth, laughter, support and belonging around our dining table.

Consequently, I look forward to filling up my reserves of human connection from which to draw on during difficult times.

Although it may seem ironic that the most wonderful time of the year reminds us of all the meaningful things money can’t buy, while simultaneously coaxing us to spend money, I’ve always tried to navigate that challenge by appreciating what I have, and by focussing less on what I want. Then, I think of ways that I can help. For instance, I bought foot warmers for a family member who is always cold and takes the bus to get around. I also bought an ergonomic jar opener designed for a relative with arthritis. They may not be exciting or luxurious gifts, but I know they will make a big difference in their day to day lives.

I’d like to connect with my readers by sharing my holiday wish with you. I hope we are inspired to find ways to take care of each other and that the spirit of the season connects those who need help with those extending it. May your hearts flood with enough feelings of gratitude and hope to sustain you well into the New Year.

If you have a difficult conversation, etiquette-related problem, or social dilemma for which you need help and advice in resolving, please send your queries to Etiquette Matters columnist Cecilia Pita courtesy of editor@manorparkchronicle.com.